The Fire Within
by Kyizi
Summary: I don't want to spoil it. A dark fic (some A/C)
1. Part 1

Calm lurks beneath the fire ****

The Fire Within

Author: Kyizi, the Diva of Darkness ;)

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Disclaimer: If I could claim Angel I could but my fangs need sharpened… ;)

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Dedication: To Elektra who gave me a new appreciation for writing in the present tense. This is my attempt…eek! If this sucks let me know 'cause I've never really had any luck with this style before!

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Notes: Yes, I have nothing to do at work besides sit on my arse, answer the phone and write fanfiction!!! Part 3 of All You Have To Do Is Smile is with Kath, my luvly beta, and I haven't written any more to realizations, so this is to tide you over! 

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Feedback: YES PLEASE!!! 

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Email: [kyizi@lineone.net][1]

~x~x~x~x~x~

Calm lurks beneath the fire. That timid roar crescendoing through the air, always detached, alone, fighting the serenity within. The flames lick the air, tasting, reaching for new heights as they suckle the life from the surroundings, feeding the hunger. That constant tempt of fate, the humming, the pure life energy that thrives around it, within it. Always are they ready to drain it, suck it, destroy it. It is always in control, always ready for that one chance to live, to breathe, to destroy.

It captivates, enthrals, entertains, as it leaps out of control. It calls to you, allows you near, beckoning you as it mesmerises your senses. And then it strikes, leaps at you with no warning as the small voice in the back of your head taunts you. You knew the dangers, but still you allowed yourself to get close…too close. You allowed yourself to burn.

~x~x~x~x~x~

Cordelia walks slowly towards the door, the gentle hum of the radiator tickling her ear. She imagines him pacing, his feet pounding gently into the softly carpeted floor, as he replays the incident over and over in his head. That's how he reacts, how he copes. She wanders into the room, smiling sadly at her accurate imaginings as he walks back and forth in a continuous loop.

"Wesley," she says softly, jarring him from his thoughts, "stop this. There was nothing we could have done," she casts her eyes onto her fidgeting fingers. "Nothing," she whispers, more for herself than anything else.

"I know," Wesley's soft reply brings tears to her eyes. She knows. She knows that nothing could have happened differently, nothing they could have done at least. And yet as she hears the words, it all becomes real, that instant of clarity where everything comes crashing down, where everything changes.

She feels the tears, she sees nothing. The river of grief flows sharply into her heart.

~x~x~x~x~x~

It is rumbling, growling beneath the surface, burning, raging steadily beneath his skin. A hot flush of fear rises as he grasps for air, choking like a fish out of water. And then it ends. He smiles as he stands, his lips curling into a sadistic deception as she saunters closer to him.

The fire within him rages as she grips his arms, grinding her hips seductively against him. Her fingers curl around him with a deceiving fragility as she slowly tortures his senses. Smiling, she leans into him, her teeth gently nip the tender skin on his shoulder.

She tilts her head, gazing up at him through her large, brown, seemingly innocent eyes. She turns around and starts to walk away as gentle ramblings fall from her lips as easily as snow from the sky. A hidden message lurks beneath.

She growls, a deep rumbling within her chest callously taunting her unbeating heart, tormenting his. A high-pitched squeal echoes dimly through the empty room as her nails scrape against the chalky surface. Learning is absorbed around them, it seeps through the walls as the people watch in morbid fascination.

She chuckles as she walks slowly towards the front row relishing their shudder of fear. They stare at her, knowing her face but unable to believe, unwilling to believe. The bloody corpse of their professor stares back at them, unseeing, as they cower from their captors.

Pulling the pretty blonde from the front row, she growls and turns to him, painlessly torturing the girl as she trails her fingers across the blonde's neck. She pushes the girl towards him and he effortlessly grasps hold of her. He smiles as he pulls her small frame against him. And the fire stirs.

~x~x~x~x~x~

She watches, stares at the disbelief, the dismay etched into his face as the timeless moment burns into her memory. He shakes his head and she feels the tears sting at her eyes again.

"Naw, this ain't happenin'."

Cordelia closes her eyes as her mind echoes Gunn's thoughts. The reality of the situation lurks in the air, surrounding them, choking them. The darkness is approaching but no one notices, no one cares.

"It don't make sense,"

"I can hardly believe it myself," Wesley sighs. 

"What about Ang…"

"Don't, don't say it," Cordelia pleads and Gunn nods slowly, still in too much shock. She can feel them staring at her. They don't know what to say. There isn't anything they can say.

"So, who?"

"Who else?" She looks at Gunn stonily, "Who else can ruin us like this?"

He sighs and nods as the name rolls of his tongue, "Darla."

Cordelia closes her eyes to the tears, closes her heart to the pain. But still it lingers. "But hey, ding dong the bitch is dead." She replies in a monotone voice as she speaks the expected words.

"So she staked the bitch then?" Gunn asks as they nod. 

"Right after she was turned," Wesley replies softly.

But," he takes a calming breath, "Why Fred?"

~x~x~x~x~x~

Cordelia watches the stars. They sparkle before her, brilliant lights on a darkened blanket. The tears flow freely now as she remembers. Remembers his cool touch, his smile, his voice, but mostly she remembers his eyes. Their depth, the gentle resignation that covers the torrent of guilt and pain. But no more. His eyes have become vacant, a hollow shell fuelled by a raging fire within. 

She recalls the look, that one moment where everything changed. A simple, colossal smile that tore at his soul, that ripped him apart. And as she said the words he was gone. He was gone before she had even uttered them. But she had to speak. Had to hope he'd know and so she whispers again, to the stars, "I love you,"

~x~x~x~x~x~

Wesley watches him as he hunches over, his head in his hands, "There was nothing we could have done,"

Gunn sighs as he looks up, "Don't make it any easier,"

"No, no it doesn't,"

"She was like a sister, man. I already lost one of those," Wesley heard his voice tremble but he doesn't comment as he watches the pain in the younger man's eyes.

"I know,"

They look up as Cordelia enters, her face is red and blotchy but they say nothing. Neither of them mentions Angel, for Cordelia's sake if nothing else. Coping with the news about Fred is difficult enough and yet they think about it, unable to ignore the look on Cordelia's face.

Suddenly she grabs her head as the tingling sensation alerts her to a vision. She grasps in pain as it takes hold of her. The images, sights and smells wreak havoc with her senses, collaborating into a cacophony of emotion.

As the pain leaves she is empty. The vision takes with it every sense of security as she grasps for anything bar the scene left to replay in her head. She walks through it again and again, her vague glimmer of hope spiralling out of control as she looks within. Not all is lost.

~x~x~x~x~x~

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THE END

Well, was it a fair attempt at present tense writing? If I change tense anywhere, let me know so that I can change it because I HATE that!!!

Should I continue?

   [1]: mailto:kyizi@lineone.net



	2. Part 2 and Epilogue

From beyond the boundaries of time and space they watch, they listen, they  ****

Within the Fire

Part 2

Disclaimer etc in part 1

Notes: Someone mentioned that it's easier to write this tense in first person…I should mention that the reason I didn't is because my hatred for this tense was NOTHING compared to my hatred for first person, present tense!

Also, I was going to split this into two parts but I'm in a good mood as I just found out I'm getting another poem published and I also received my application form for the RSAMD so as I'm in a good mood, here's the whole thing! ;)

~x~x~x~x~x~

From beyond the boundaries of time and space they watch, they listen, they tingle with fear. The nearing fate of creation stands dwarfed by the flames that will tip the scale, one way or another. This fire holds the key. That one struggle for dominance plays with the lines of destiny, twisting and turning, sneering and begging. Both within, but only one can win the fight. As this struggle nears its end they can but wait as the flames will burn on or die.

~x~x~x~x~x~

She slows her breathing as her eyes sting. The throbbing pain in her head is almost bearable as she focuses on her surroundings. Instantly she realises whose arms she lies in and it crashes down. The moment of forgetting is over. But not all hope is lost.

She smiles a little as she sits up straight, "It's not over yet,"

"What?" She watches as Gunn frowns and exchanges a glance with Wesley.

"What are you saying, Cordelia?"

"I'm saying that there's hope," she smiles at him, "There's hope." She pulls herself to her feet with their help, "We have to go." 

Gunn and Wesley exchange glances as the young woman walks towards the door with confidence in her stride. She turns and smiles before signalling expectantly, "Well, what are you waiting for? Come on."

~x~x~x~x~x~

Angel walks among them, the gentle fear humming in his ears, the roaring of the demon within growling in his heart. He watches without control, he listens with fear. This is wrong, something is wrong. The fire is in control and yet he watches, he is not lost.

From within his prison of flesh, he watches her. The shy stuttering long gone, blown away in the breeze like the ashes of her sire…of his sire. She struts casually up the stairs as he watches through his own eyes, no longer in command of the movements, of the actions.

And the fire cackles, snaps the neck of the pretty blonde as he cries out in despair, the hope of his redemption fading with the setting sun. So he hides. He hides within his own body, trapped within the fiery shell. And the screaming begins.

~x~x~x~x~x~

"Cordelia are you sure this is what you saw?"

She turns to him and glares, He is quick to step back as he exchanges a look with Gunn. They are unsure of their hope but they quash it down as they stand back, as they allow her to enter.

She inhales deeply, her sense of hope momentarily shrouded by their doubt. She lets out the air slowly as she closes her eyes and raises her hand. She gently sprinkles the grains, each one glittering with hope, each one a silent prayer in the midst of her inner turmoil.

"I beseech passage to the knowing ones…" And then she is before them, their faces focussed, their minds representing one universal, unanimous goal. They must extinguish the fire.

~x~x~x~x~x~

It twists beneath the skin, it burns and wriggles like a worm in softened sand. The grains slide by, one by one, hiding it, protecting it. The flames lick the sand; they search relentlessly, undaunted in their quest for the soul that writhes within as it searches for control, searches for the blanket to cover the burning, to restrain the fire that searches to destroy it.

The fire should be alone, the sole being in possession and yet the soul lingers and is caught. The glimmer of conscience, the echo of guilt, slowly they fall from the light, from the edge of the precipice, tumbling endlessly into the dark chasm, through the fire, as the soul is revealed.

~x~x~x~x~x~

They run towards the screaming, like the blonde trapped within a horror movie. They shudder collectively, they know the cause of these anguished cries, they know that they have to face it. Fate's heavy burden lies upon their shoulders, lies within their thoughts, within their hearts.

Gunn and Wesley follow her, without the knowledge she gained from the oracles. Cordelia had not spoken to them after the encounter, simply jumped into the car. And yet they follow their trust in her.

Cordelia moves quickly, her heels hammer a hasty tune, a haggard rhythm of harmony on the echoing ground. She stops suddenly, as if she herself has vampire senses. She can feel him near, watching her, stalking her like prey, playing with them as he prepares to pounce.

Her breathing accelerates as she turns slowly, her face mirroring Gunn's and Wesley's as they stand still, as if that will stop him from seeing them. Her eyes wander to the lecture theatre to her left and there her vision remains as she finds herself paralysed by the horrifying scene before her. The blood stains the walls and floor, splattered in a calming pattern like modern art. The dots and lines are slowly trailing a curving line down the walls as they map out death. 

She places her hands over her mouth as her eyes travel to the bodies on the floor. Death permeates the air around them, smothers them with its claustrophobic presence. She watches as the finger on the nearest body twitches, watches as the victim claws at the floor, trying not to move, hoping that to stay still and play dead will save his life.

Laughter echoes through the halls, ricocheting off the walls in a malicious melody with no apparent origin. The voice titters past them, from everywhere and nowhere as they glance frantically in all directions. The light-hearted playfulness betrays their perceptions of the voice, betrays who was the voice and hardens their knowledge of what they have lost.

Cordelia's breath quickens, she can feel her heart beating a ragged pattern within her chest as she watches him swagger slowly closer. He smiles at her, his eyes crinkling in a foreign manner. She takes a deep breath and steps away from the others, moving slowly towards him. She can do this…she has to.

"Angel?" she timidly walks towards him, trying to appear confident, brave, "I know you're in there."

"I'm afraid you just missed him. He popped out, should be back in…well, never." Angel laughed as he sauntered yet closer to the girl, "Oh, Cordy, Cordy, Cordy, did you really think that your love could save him?" he laughed, "You did, didn't you? You forget, it was your love that lost him." 

Cordelia tries not to shrink back as he stands inches away, leering down at her, so close that his breath tickles her face. She steels herself, trying to prepare for what is yet to come, for what he will say next.

"You know, it's sad really. At least with Buffy, we got a little horizontal happiness, this time, I had to watch it happen from three little words. He's pathetic. He doesn't deserve life. Or love." He snickers and wags his eyebrows, " I on the other hand could certainly use a little lovin…"

She hits him. 

She watches as he turns back to face her, creaking his neck as his face morphs from it's deceiving image of innocence. He smiles at her, a sadistic curve creeping across his face. She closes her eyes and reaches out her wrist, offering it to him as she opens her eyes, now blank and solid. He stares at her, disbelief etched into his face as Wesley's voice floats through the back of her conscience, pleading with her. 

She smiles at him and nods to her wrist, her palm face down, straight and steady. Her eyes bore into him, empty and endless as he slowly reaches out to touch her hand. He strokes her palm, gently tickling her skin, but she remains still and silent, her eyes never moving.

He is unsure and cautious, but still he continues as he silences Fred. She scowls at her brother, her great-grandsire and slowly walks back to Wesley and Gunn, playing with them as they watch Cordelia with bated breath.

He smirks as he pulls her wrist to him, gently kissing the back as he continues to trace circles on her palm. Slowly he turns her wrist over, gently sucking at the pulse point and she pulls away. He growls as he looks up at her, pulling her into him and she places a hand over his mouth. Allowing her to push away, he watches as she raises her arm again, offering her wrist. She pulls his head towards her, making him keep eye contact. 

The darkness around them resonates through the silent hallway as the wind outside moans in isolation. Her eyes remain steady, remain focussed on him as he breaks through her gentle skin. 

One tender drop of her blood and he sees his mistake, he tastes it as They flourish around him, he watches as They fight, Their faces smiling condescendingly. He watches as Cordelia's eyes open from their blank desolation and he cries out in agony. A pitiful, endless yell of desperation that echoes through eternity as she whispers, "I love you"

~x~x~x~x~x~

From within the endless darkness she calls him, she whispers around him in a deafening flow of hope. He reaches out to her, beyond the rushing flames, and he fights. He grasps at her, clutching at his link to life as the burning around him fades. He walks without form towards her, her life pulsing around him, within him. And he fights, he burns…he wins.

~x~x~x~x~x~

He opens his eyes to the myriad of light, the sounds dance around him with a hypnotising Doppler effect and he groans, closing his eyes again. He can hear their silence, he listens to them wait. He hears the slight movement, the gentle tread of feet on the thickly carpeted floor. Slowly he opens his eyes to her, and she smiles softly as tears trail down her cheeks.

"I'm…"

  
"Don't." she whispers as she shakes her head, placing her hand over his, "Please, don't' say you're sorry," she whispers softly, "I couldn't bear it if you meant it."

He smiles a little, "I'm sorry I never told you that I loved you."

"I knew." She smiles through her tears as he gently strokes her face. She leans into her touch and finds herself drawn into his embrace as she lets herself weep. Angel looks at the others. Wesley acknowledges him with a smile but Gunn's gaunt features change very little as Wesley steers him from the room.

His eyes sting with tears as she cries against him, and he bids a silent prayer, a wish that they can make it, that they can come out on top of the fire.

~x~x~x~x~x~

Wesley watches him, sitting in silence, twisting his fingers in his hands, wringing them out. His face is blank, but the picture of Fred's ashes reflects in his eyes. He couldn't do it. He was faced with it again, with loosing another, like his sister, and he couldn't do it. And so the responsibility had lain with him. With Wesley.

He closes his eyes and rubs the bridge of his nose, the rim of his glasses rubbing gently against his fingertips. He walks over to the centre of the room and sits next to Gunn on the chair, just letting him know that he is there, letting him know that he cares. Gunn lays his head in his hands, watching behind closed eyes as Fred and his sister dance before him, dance with the knowledge that he couldn't save them, that he had failed them. The sobs wrack through his body as he clutches at the back of his head, his only comfort, Wesley's presence, his only hope fading into the darkness.

~x~x~x~x~x~

EPILOGUE

Cordelia watches the stars, her hair billowing gently behind her a single tear slips from her eyes. She feels his presence, as she always does. He wraps his arms around her and she allows herself to be wrapped within their warmth, within his presence as she allows herself a moment without time. 

She breathes heavily as the night gets lighter, begins to fade, the light peeking out beyond them in the distance, so far and yet it will come, it always does. They had won…and yet they had lost so much, lost so many. They had watched friends die, they had killed friends, in every sense but the actual one. But that did not make it any easier. Angel holds her tighter as the last strains of darkness fade from the sky, the gentle dawn surrounding them, encompassing them. 

He takes a deep breath and smiles, kissing the top of her head. He rubs her swollen stomach as they bid a final farewell to Gunn and Wesley and a final farewell to their past as the fire that once burned so forcefully is forever extinguished.

~x~x~x~x~x~

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THE END

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I apologise, not the way I had intended to end this series, but then again, this wasn't exactly planned at all! I know it might have seemed kinda rushed in places, but I hope this turned out all right, especially considering that I used to hate present tense writing! ;)


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